20 reasons you shouldn’t listen to a word I say
Ian Lurie Apr 11 2011
I feel strongly about full disclosure. So, here it is—20 reasons I’m full of crap:
- I don’t have a best selling book. Nor, at this rate, will I ever.
- Major marketing conferences bark with laughter when I submit a speaker’s pitch.
- I haven’t made $10 million. I haven’t even made $1 million. I’m just a guy who writes a lot.
- I have been known to play Dungeons and Dragons, and we know what those people are like.
- I’m a cat person. And a dog person. And a guinea pig person. And an octopus person. I’m wishy-washy.
- I’m a Democrat who believes in free enterprise and Atlas Shrugged. Again with the wishy washy.
- My blog earns me a whopping $350/month.
- I didn’t sell my first company for millions when I was 25.
- I’m not a l33t hax0r.
- I once worked as a telemarketer. I was really good at it. I quit because it made me nauseous.
- I don’t have throngs of people following me around at conferences.
- Good wine does nothing for me. Diet Coke FTW.
- I don’t get the whole Charlie Sheen thing.
- Not one major magazine gives a crap what I have to say.
- I think They Might Be Giants are artistic geniuses. There. I said it.
- Baseball feels like 30 minutes of action crammed into 5 hours. I’m un-American.
- My legal research & writing professor gave me a C-, telling me I had ‘little promise as a writer’. Of course, she didn’t last as long as I did at UCLA Law—I graduated. She quit after 2 semesters.
- I look nothing like Don Draper. I look more like a tall, slightly overweight Woody Allen with a gland problem.
- I don’t believe that anyone can run a successful business. I actually don’t believe sane people can run a successful business at all.
- I promise nothing. There are no guarantees in marketing. It’s total chaos, and you don’t control your own destiny. The best you can do is maximize the chances that something good will happen. Which is what it’s all about.
- The Potential Misery Index: Ranking potential clients
- Conversation Marketing: A definition
- Fast pages convert 2 times better
- 10 tips for writing that sells
- The agency employees’ guide to bosses
- A marketing agency boss’s guide to employees
- 15 report writing tips
- Elizabeth Marsten’s new 2-part PPC e-book for small business. $37 for books 1 and 2, and a money back guarantee.
Chairman & Principal Consultant
Ian Lurie is Chairman and Principal Consultant of Portent Inc., an Internet marketing agency that has provided Internet marketing, including PPC, SEO, social and analytics services, since 1995. Read More
- Open Letter to CMOs: Confessions of a Digital Marketing Agency
- Why Brand Managers Must Sweat the Small Stuff… and it’s ALL Small Stuff
- The Humungous Guide to Content Strategy
- Portent’s Top 10 Posts of 2013 (So Far…)
- Parallax Scrolling? HTML5 Animations? Why We’re Falling for New Design Techniques
- How Google Ruined Marketing