36 Reasons You Need This Dummies Book

PPC

Elizabeth Marsten Apr 9 2009

Everyone knows those distinctive for Dummies books; the bright yellow cover, the triangle headed man with pointy fingers and the strange feeling you might have picking up something for Dummies.

Why? Because you know you’re smart. Why would you need a book for Dummies? (Because I co-authored one, that’s why.) Need a little more than that?

Fine, here are 36 reasons why you need the Web Marketing all in one for Dummies book….

  1. Learn how to optimize a blog post to earn the top Google rank for "enraged bear."
    enraged bear - Google Search

  2. Because no one reads your blog.
  3. $25 coupon for Google AdWords
  4. You’re tired of seeing ads for the RichJerk but are wondering how he’s making all that money.
  5. You’re pretty sure people are visiting your site. Right?
  6. Several people were laid off, you’re all that’s left and you’re supposed to do everything.
  7. One leg of your table is 3 inches too short.
    table-leg

  8. In the last 24hrs you got 100,000 impressions in your PPC campaign, all from Myspace and Gmail.
  9. People keep opting out of your email list. Is it because you smell?
  10. No one will text to win in your mobile marketing contest.
  11. What’s a Twitter?
  12. Your site is entirely in Flash. You think it looks totally awesome and that’s all you’ll ever need.
  13. Do you know what the C.O.N.V.E.R.T. M.E. formula is? You should.
  14. A book that is 894 pages can’t really be for a dummy.
  15. You tried Google’s Starter Edition of AdWords and nothing happened.
  16. Avoid the Google sandbox. (You know what that is, right?)
  17. How do you get into those shopping listings on Google search result pages anyway? And how do you get to be #1?
  18. Check your local business listing on Google Maps. Is that you? Or does it go to some parked page with ads all over it?
  19. You want to work from home but without the scam. Or kit. Or scam kit.
  20. Some guys in India keep clicking on your ads. Make it stop!
  21. How do you know the guys from India are clicking on your ads? Maybe they’re in Indiana.
  22. What should you put in an email to customers anyway? A dirty joke? Coupon? Cute picture of a hamster? A survey? A sale?
  23. Yahoo Answers isn’t just for 13 year olds who can’t spell, type or don’t have a grasp of the English language.
  24. You have the real weight loss program everyone’s been waiting for.
  25. Writing ads for women has never been easier.
    wedding-disasters-bridezillaecards-for-women

  26. Google AdSense keeps showing ads for hot Latina women in your custom search engine results. That’s good and all, but you sell windshield wipers…
  27. You need to prove to your boss that it was your idea that worked, not his.
  28. You and broken links on your site are intimate friends. Way too intimate.
  29. What naming convention should you use for URLs so that search engines don’t come and barf on your site in disgust?
  30. What should you use to find out where people clicked on your site? Did they even see your coupon for free tacos?
  31. I got this email from a guy who said we should exchange links. Should I do it?
  32. Do people really look at advertisements on their cell phone? Let alone sign up for anything?
  33. In the event of a water landing, it acts as a flotation device.
    floatation-device

  34. It took 5 people to write it. One of them has to be right…
  35. Sure you can write. But can you write for a search engine and a person at the same time? While typing one handed? Backwards?
    And last, but not least…

  36. It’s seriously the most inclusive web marketing book out there and you can’t beat the price. You don’t have to travel, pay for a seminar, network or take notes.

2 Comments

  1. Hmmm–31K inlinks, PR6, seems like I should be listening! Caught one of your client sites while researching for my own. Cool beans, thanks for reminding me about Movable Type, too.
    Jay

  2. Baba Pandey

    I have been using the Dummies Books. They have cool information for newbies. I had an idea on how to enter to world of Internet marketing, Designing websites and SEO using the Dummies Books.

Comments are closed.