17 Internet Marketing Things I Will Not Write About
Ian Lurie Apr 24 2008
Brought to you by the same manic-depressiveness that generated 11 Internet Marketing Trends To Ignore. Here are 17 internet marketing things I will not write about:
- Twitter. I love Twitter, and spend a fair amount of time on it. But a quick search on Google shows 37,845 blogs posts in the last week. What. The. Hell. I think this story’s been done, OK?
- Facebook’s slow fall from grace as an advertising platform. I already wrote about this a while ago. Before most other folks. So nyah nyah. I don’t need to write about it any more.
- What Jason Calcanis said about SEO at a conference. I’m just not all that interested.
- What Steve Rubel said about internet marketing, SEOs or social media. I’m over it.
- Rand’s latest brilliance. Rand, give me a break. You’ve got all these brilliant people over at SEOMOZ, you crank out top-quality Digg-bait like it’s going out of style and you’re a better dresser than I am. You don’t need more press. Unless you mention me. In which case it’s cool, and I’ll write about you.
- Really stupid ideas, like this book about Why Mom’s Having Plastic Surgery. This book literally talks about why a little girl’s mommy is getting a nosejob and a tummy tuck. It’s because mommy is deluged with ads that tell her she’s ugly on the one hand, and encourage her to eat McDonald’s on the other, sweetie. Don’t worry, you’ll get there soon too.
- The traffic to my blog. Because it sucks.
- All the subscribers I have. Because I don’t have that many.
- All the money I make blogging. Because I make about $1.50 a day. I’m no John Chow, that’s for sure.
- The Presidential campaign. Because it’s starting to make me a little queasy.
- How I tricked Google, Yahoo or some other search engine. The Greeks called that hubris, which is followed by ate. Ate occurs when the gods crush you like the bug that you are.
- My bookmarks. They aren’t that exciting (OK, if I’m realllly hard up for a blog post one day, I’ll probably write about them. Then you’ll believe me).
- My adventures at the latest conference. I don’t go to the latest conference. My parents live on the East coast of the US. I live on the West. I fly back-and-forth with the grandkids at least 4-5x a year. So I don’t get out much for other stuff. I swear, when I go to a conference, I’ll write about it.
- How I’ve changed my life so I work 20 hours a week and earn twice as much. Apparently, I’m not that clever.
- Web 2.0. Just typing that made my stomach shrink to 1/3 size, flip over three times, and then try to eject itself out my left nostril. There never was a web 2.0. Nor will there ever be.
- Marketing 2.0. I’ll just slap you instead.
- What a bunch of other bloggers said about what another blogger wrote about what another blogger said after reading the story on CNN that was based on the blog post the day before. No pre-chewed content for you (see below).
Phew. I feel so much better now. Back to our regularly scheduled programming.
Ian Lurie is CEO and founder of Portent Inc. He's recorded training for Lynda.com, writes regularly for the Portent Blog and has been published on AllThingsD, Forbes.com and TechCrunch. Ian speaks at conferences around the world, including SearchLove, MozCon, SIC and ad:Tech. Follow him on Twitter at portentint. He also just published a book about strategy for services businesses: One Trick Ponies Get Shot, available on Kindle. Read More