5 signs you should shut up

Random

Ian Lurie Jan 29 2012

I’ve had a hard time blogging of late. I feel a little hopeless. Like I’m yelling at the top of my lungs and pointing and saying DON’T WALK INTO THE BURNING HOUSE, but there are 10,000,000 other people writing all forms of idiocy.

Luckily, I know lots of folks are still scraping my blog and using it to auto-spam their way into the rankings. So I know someone will read this on seo-top-ranking-business-number-1.com. Spamdication, for the win!!!!

If your ‘expert’ blog posts have these issues, please stop publishing, k?

1: You’re a time traveler

Yahoo! and MSN?! Really? And note that this post was published January 25, 2012:

google and yahoo and msn, oh my

Seriously

But it has comments from 2010. My GOD. They did the Star Trek slingshot around the sun thing and wrote comments in the past, before the post was even published. Is this possible?!

Turns out that this post was ripped off from Articles Base, or they ripped it off from someone else and then these guys ripped it off. I dunno. But the site with this post is top 10 for ‘SEO blog’, and frankly, that pisses me off.

If you’re going to steal content, leave your TARDIS at home. Oh, and shut up.

2: You don’t know what SEO is

Poynter.org should shut the hell up. They’re trying to say (gasp) SEO is dead. They state that “The now-conventional strategy of harnessing links and keywords to climb higher in search results has been fading for a while.”

poynter should shut up

Well, genius, if that were actually SEO you’d only be mostly wrong. As it is, you’re completely wrong. And you’re pretty far off on how social media’s entering the mix, too. How did this article get past editorial?

Oooohhhh, I get it. I bet everyone at Poynter learned internet marketing from the blogging time travelers in #1.

Poynter, don’t shut up. You write some good stuff. Instead, how about talking to a real internet marketer next time? You’ll sound less like FOX news that way.

3: You don’t know what Google+ is

I went on a little wander through the rankings for ‘social media’ and found an over-optimized screen vomit of a site that uses the phrase ‘social media’ 18 times in 150 words. They claim to offer top-flight social media services.

But they don’t even mention Google Plus. Anywhere.

Sob.

If you don’t now what Google Plus is, shut up.

4: You’re still writing about the keywords META tag

Ah, crap, now I just did it.

Oh, but it’s OK, because I’m not writing a blog post in January of 2012 that tells people how to write a keywords meta tag that’ll help them rank. Like you did. You know who you are.

I’m not going to point it out, ’cause I’m angry, not mean. But seriously, you should shut the hell up.

5: You don’t know “it’s” from “its”

Hey, I mis-type this one now and then. But if you do it four times in one blog post, I’m pretty sure you should shut up.

Everyone has to learn to write. That requires practice, and mistakes are totally OK.

Except when you’re selling your services as a social media ‘expert’ or an SEO. Then, you should be handcuffed and forced to watch Sesame Street until you know how contractions work.

Actually, keep going!

I just changed my mind. Keep the stupid fountain flowing! If everyone else keeps writing how social media is going to rule marketing, and bad SEO consultants keep burying their clients with bad advice, that’s probably good for me.

Thanks guys!

tags : conversation marketing

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9 Comments

  1. Lisa

    This. Is. Hilarious. That’s all. :)

  2. Wow Ian you really blew off some steam huh? well it was well deserved. This stuff is ridiculous.

  3. matt

    I am constantly trying to beat #4 into my client’s heads.

  4. Ian #4… you are wrong

    People still search for it and there is a lot of bad information out there, so someone who actually knows what they are talking about really should write about it, and benefit from some targeted traffic.

    Make it really memorable so that whenever a friendly SEO might mention meta keywords, they link to the new post.

    In some ways it is sad that Google lists a Wikipedia article in first place… and that the Wikipedia article is a better result than provided by SEOs in the same SERP.

  5. Bryan

    Really enjoyed this one. There are so many of these exact examples that I come across. #2 is something that flood my RSS feeds every day.

  6. +100 points for referencing TARDIS.

  7. This stunned me really. Too sad that many people were misguided by those self-proclaimed experts. By the way, I followed you on Twitter and I did that right after reading your post=D

  8. 1. They just read about the “freshness update” and are trying to cash in. :(

    2. I’m pretty sure they get most of their info on the Warrior Forum.

    3. I know what it is, just don’t give a rat’s ass. ;)

    4. There are worse out there, sadly. Saw a post recently making a big deal about the Google URL submit page being moved.

    5. Your just being mean now. Its not there fault they went to pubic school.

  9. You made my day when you included #5. Few readers seem to care anymore. Glad you’re someone who does.

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