Doug Antkowiak // Apr 1 2011
It’s well known that attractive people are thought to be smarter and nicer, but it doesn’t stop there. Today the Portent Interactive SEO team discovered a new search engine ranking factor: site owner attractiveness.
“We’ve been noticing some strange movements in the rankings recently.” Said Portent SEO Specialist Matthew Gratt, “We couldn’t figure out what was going on until Steve Buscemi was removed from the index. That clued us in right away.”
Portent now believes that Google is using its recent profile unification to evaluate site owner attractiveness and ranks people accordingly.
Portent also announces a new service for their clients: the Super Hot Model Registry Service.
“Because Google now ranks sites based on the attractiveness of domain owner using WHOIS information, we’ve arranged for really, really hot people… like Scarlett Johansson hot, to hold your domain for you,” says Portent COO Tracy Beach. “We’ve partnered with Balls Models. Now, a really, really, ridiculously good looking person can hold onto your domain, while you enjoy the corresponding rankings.”
“You don’t get to meet the model. It doesn’t work like that,” he added, destroying the dreams of webmasters everywhere.
For more information about Model Registry and to receive Portent’s comprehensive white paper analyzing the link between site owner attractiveness and ranking, email email@example.com.