Ian’s Angriest Posts

Ian’s on vacation this week, to a place with little or no internet and he asked for a volunteer to do a CM post and to have “fun” if so warranted.
Well, it’s warranted. And I am leaving the country while he’s gone and not coming back for a couple of weeks after he gets back. Perfect timing.
He suggested a “best of” or “favorites” type of post. But he didn’t say what kind of favorites. My favorite posts are when he blogs angry.
So I bring to you-

Ian’s Angriest Posts of All Time.

(For now. I’m sure there will be more later. Like when he gets back from vacation.)

  1. Blogging Tip #1: Don’t Post Angry (Oct 27, 2007)
    You don’t actually need to re-read this one, but it was the #1 search result for “angry” in site search. He also went to bed without any supper that day since he broke his cardinal rule of blogging.
  2. I’m Not Mean. I’m Just Angry. (December 7, 2009)
    This explains his iTunes library of Sarah McLachlan, scented candles and the fist sized holes in the wall. Any post with H2s like “What pisses me off” and “I don’t get it” is always good stuff from the mind of Ian Lurie.
  3. Kicking a Bully’s Ass (November 29, 2010)
    A highly warranted angry post about the awful site Jew Watch and the “literary achievements” of said site. This site still ranks in the top for the word “jew” when searched but- it would appear that Google’s not letting it just slide by completely:
    Sometimes you should get angry. Like this time.
  4. Content Thieves: I want to punch you in the face (February 24, 2010)
    Now if you’ve ever imagined Ian trying to punch someone- this gets funnier. He does immediately admit in the first line of the post that it’s not possible though. But he is right, don’t steal. Why is there no internet overlord to report this to? Some sort of trademark/copyright agency that levies huge fines and spankings? Who does Disney employ for this?
  5. E-Commerce Lessons (a rant) (October 13, 2008)
    In this case he calls it “rant” but once you get in the post he clues you in on what’s really going on. “I’m angry (angrier).” (Phew. For a moment there I thought he lost it.) Then begins the age old rant on developers and how good they are at getting in the way. A Lurie classic to be enjoyed by anyone who’s ever been told by a dev, “Yeah we could do that. But we won’t.” Or “That’s easy,” only to arrive at the end of 3 months with something totally broken, done wrong or unfinished.
  6. 22 Things I’ve Never Said (September 22, 2010)
    This one just makes me laugh. Real things people have said and what Ian would have liked to have said. A true “snarkfest” that will leave you giggling with glee.
    18. Go ahead and try running a contest that trades links for prizes. After that, try dancing naked in front of Google while yelling “HAHAHAHA I’M A SPAMMER”. It’s much more subtle.
  7. The Stupid Shall (not) Rule The Earth (May 26, 2010)
    I remember this day. Ian let us see the papers. It was glorious. Re-live rant after rant after rave after rant. 25 blank pages received from a law firm broken down in cost per packet sent, who let this atrocity happen and how you can stop stupid events from happening yourself. They’re like forest fires you know. Caused by lack of responsibility and thinking. Except for the lightening ones. Those happen when someone at the law firm angers the gods.
  8. Stop Plagiarism in 3 Easy Steps (October 30, 2008)
    Why this is #1? Ian got mad. But then he got even. Every time I’ve seen him present on this or re-tell about it, people laugh maniacally and take notes. That’s when you know anger is going to good use. For the uniting of community, the raising of spirits and the crushing of souls. It’s also apparently how you get on the front page of Digg.

All right, back to work while I’m still employed here. This guest post brought to you by Elizabeth Marsten at Portent Interactive. I don’t get as angry…but I did write a post of internet marketing jokes you might enjoy wasting some time with.

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