I’ve decided to start a new segment: 10 best e-mail marketing subject lines of the week.
It’s completely sarcastic, by the way. I’m sure you’re shocked.
This may be a one-time segment, depending on response, so enjoy:
- Bring business directly to you, online! I’ve never heard that one before.
- What time is okay for you. First rule of e-mail marketing: Be specific. This subject line is, er, very… Never mind.
- Meet CMO’s who are ready to buy. The company that keeps sending me this crap, and calling me to ‘follow up on my request’, is the biggest bunch of sleezebag loser on the planet. Any moron knows the average CMO’s tenure is about 6 months. They’re never ready to buy, because they’re too busy printing their resumes.
- What you’re doing wrong. Wow, way to start on a positive note.
- Break your customers’ will! Mwahahahahahaha then I can conquer the WORLD.
- Prices can’t be lower. Unless you’re giving stuff away, you’re lying.
- Leverage your marketing power even further! Or, use fewer buzzwords!
- Ticketmaster… There’s more after that, but I stop at ‘Ticketmaster’, since they’re closely related to Satan.
- Adwords Riches! I called them three times, gave them my social security number, yet I’m still not rich…
- Valentine’s Day Special! This was actually from a reputable company. But they cloaked their e-mail address and didn’t specify what the special was, so I didn’t even open the e-mail.
Don’t Be Like Them
Make sure your e-mail marketing pieces use clear subject lines.
Make sure the subject lines include a compelling call to action.
And make sure you don’t end up on my list.
(don’t forget to vote for me in the Semmys)