Internet Marketing

11 ways to be a schmuck

schmuck.gif

  1. Use Twitter auto-follow tools.
  2. Cut other people down.
  3. Sell products you know are crappy.
  4. Don’t take advice. Ever.
  5. WRITE E-MAILS IN ALL CAPS.
  6. Misuse words. Amelioratingly.
  7. Latch onto one idea and don’t let go. Two legs good, four legs baaaaad.
  8. Whatever you do, never admit you’re wrong.
  9. Whatever you do, never stop reminding others of their mistakes.
  10. Let fear rule your marketing.
  11. Sell to the loophole, not the customer.
CEO & Founder

Ian Lurie is CEO and founder of Portent and the EVP of Marketing Services at Clearlink. He's been a digital marketer since the days of AOL and Compuserve (25 years, if you're counting). He's recorded training for Lynda.com, writes regularly for the Portent Blog and has been published on AllThingsD, Smashing Magazine, and TechCrunch. Ian speaks at conferences around the world, including SearchLove, MozCon, Seattle Interactive Conference and ad:Tech. He has published has published several books about business and marketing: One Trick Ponies Get Shot, available on Kindle, The Web Marketing All-In-One Desk Reference for Dummies, and Conversation Marketing. Follow him on Twitter at portentint, and on LinkedIn at LinkedIn.com/in/ianlurie.

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Comments

  1. I have recently put your blog on my regular reading list…. and a link on my resource page. The best part is I have been wanting to learn how to be a schmuck and bragged about your post and my schmuck plan.
    Appreciate what you offer…
    the temporary schmuck. πŸ™‚

  2. Unfortunately, there are many millions of persons in our society who have not learned to write well.
    That being the case, I am conflicted.
    On the one hand, I fully agree that writing which displays a lack of education or appreciation for proper grammar or style can be annoying, the alternative for these people would be either to return to high school or not express themselves at all.
    I don’t think the latter is going to be acceptable any time soon. And, the former is probably not an option either.
    So, what we have is a dilemma.
    “Schmuck” is a term I am loathe to apply to persons guilty of less than perfect expression.

  3. Hi, my name is Stephen Pierce, the World’s #1 Internet Wealth Advocate and you may have seen me on FOX News, NBC News, ABC News, CBS, DayTime, Daystar or heard me interviewed on ABC News Radio or Bloomberg Business Radio and other major network TV stations and cable shows radio programs.

  4. fantastic!
    just found your blog while reading fred wilson’s blog, which lead me to read the blog post comments, which lead me to portentinteractive.com, which landed me here.
    #4 does it for me.

  5. Another one to add to your schmuck list … Have a couple of glasses of wine then go chat to people… duh That’s very schmucky and a BIG no no πŸ™‚
    You could write a whole post on any of the schmuck categories really Ryan πŸ™‚

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