In this episode, Clarisonic illustrates how to produce a truly awful e-mail marketing piece:
The subject line was Time sensitive: Help us tonight at 8 PM and get a free brush head.
Yikes. Here’s what I’d change to make this better:
- Change the tone. The writing style in this reads like it was sent by a spammer. I actually spent an hour trying to figure out if this was an elaborate scam by a competitor. Use a more personable tone.
- Get rid of the all caps text at the bottom.
- Change the process. Right now, Clarisonic promises to refund the $25 you pay, after you pay it. The email’s a bit skimpy on details, though. How exactly is this going to work? This only adds to the sense that this e-mail is a scam. Instead, provide a discount code. I’d be more comfortable getting $20 off and paying $5. No, the brush wouldn’t be free – but I’d see the discount in my cart. I wouldn’t have to pay $25 and then hold my breath, hoping Clarisonic would just give back my money.
- Better explain yourself. I think that my e-mail address will act as a discount code. The e-mail says “When you make your purchase, please use the e-mail address to which this e-mail was sent.”. Just say what you mean!: “Use your e-mail address during checkout. We’ll use your e-mail address as a discount code and give you an immediate refund”.
- Proofread. The second sentence says “wed like to load our online storefront…”. It should read “we’d like to load our online storefront…”.
- Check the code. Right now, the HTML code for this e-mail is a mess of Microsoft-generated gobbledygook. I’m not just being anal-retentive. This code makes most spam filters shriek in alarm. Cleaner, more standards-compliant HTML would create less of a red flag for these filters, and increase the odds that the e-mail actually gets to folks’ inboxes.
Oh, and one last idea: Don’t send me an e-mail recruiting me to test your web site. That doesn’t make me want to buy from you. I want you to test the site before I visit.