Horrific Marketingspeak #992

Someone actually said this to me today. Actually, they said it to my voicemail, which is even more amazing:

“Our network is a best-of-breed digital advertising system with direct access to your best customers through behavioral profiling and demographic targeting.”

Wow. I think they were trying to say:

“Please call me back and spend your clients’ money with us. We will help you put ads where they’ll work best.”

But instead came out more like this:

“Babble babble advertising blah blah blah behavioral bleah bleah demographics blah blah.”

A quick hint for anyone selling advertising, especially if you’re pitching it to agencies: We want to know 3 things:

1. What will it cost.
2. Where can you place our ads. Don’t tell me “great places”. I need to know where.
3. How will I be able to measure it.

Otherwise, please, don’t waste my time. It’s better spent doing stuff like, I dunno, counting ceiling tiles, or watching the squirrels outside my window.

Brooks should babble. Salespeople should not.