Horrific Marketingspeak #992

Ian Lurie

Someone actually said this to me today. Actually, they said it to my voicemail, which is even more amazing:

“Our network is a best-of-breed digital advertising system with direct access to your best customers through behavioral profiling and demographic targeting.”

Wow. I think they were trying to say:

“Please call me back and spend your clients’ money with us. We will help you put ads where they’ll work best.”

But instead came out more like this:

“Babble babble advertising blah blah blah behavioral bleah bleah demographics blah blah.”

A quick hint for anyone selling advertising, especially if you’re pitching it to agencies: We want to know 3 things:

  1. What will it cost.
  2. Where can you place our ads. Don’t tell me “great places”. I need to know where.
  3. How will I be able to measure it.

Otherwise, please, don’t waste my time. It’s better spent doing stuff like, I dunno, counting ceiling tiles, or watching the squirrels outside my window.

Brooks should babble. Salespeople should not.

Ian Lurie
CEO & Founder

Ian Lurie is CEO and founder of Portent and the EVP of Marketing Services at Clearlink. He's been a digital marketer since the days of AOL and Compuserve (25 years, if you're counting). He's recorded training for Lynda.com, writes regularly for the Portent Blog and has been published on AllThingsD, Smashing Magazine, and TechCrunch. Ian speaks at conferences around the world, including SearchLove, MozCon, Seattle Interactive Conference and ad:Tech. He has published several books about business and marketing: One Trick Ponies Get Shot, available on Kindle, The Web Marketing All-In-One Desk Reference for Dummies, and Conversation Marketing. Follow him on Twitter at portentint, and on LinkedIn at LinkedIn.com/in/ianlurie.

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