If You Give A Corp. A Web Site…

Ian Lurie

…It will want to get lots of visitors on its new site.
So you get a few visitors on the new web site through some clever internet marketing.
When you get visitors on the web site, you’ll remind the CEO that the website exists.
So he’ll go look for it on Google. When he sees he’s not on page 1 for the word ‘the’, he’ll ask you why.
So you’ll explain how search engine optimization works. When you explain how SEO works, he’ll tell you to go do it.
So you go do it and traffic will double.
When traffic doubles, he’ll want to know why it didn’t triple, and why the hell don’t you rank #1 for ‘the’ yet?!!!
So you’ll explain again, and offer to buy some pay per click ads.
When you buy the pay per click ads, he’ll see that it cost $5 to get 500 visitors on the site, scream with rage, and cancel the ad spend.
So you’ll go back to focusing on SEO, and traffic from search engines will double again.
Which will once again make the CEO remember you have a web site. The CEO will hire another internet marketing consultant to figure out why you’re such a moron.
When the other consultant shows up, they’ll say you did just fine and hand the CEO an invoice for $10,000.
So the CEO will fire the internet marketing consultant.
When the CEO fires the consultant, he’ll go through a period of internet marketing angst where he trusts only you. He’ll ask you for a new web site.
So you’ll build a new web site.
And the the CEO will want to get lots of visitors on his new site…
(ad infinitum)

With immense apologies to my favorite kids’ book: If You Give a Pig a Pancake.

Ian Lurie

Ian Lurie is founder of Portent. He's been a digital marketer since the days of AOL and Compuserve (25 years, if you're counting). Ian's recorded training for Lynda.com, writes regularly for the Portent Blog and has been published on AllThingsD, Smashing Magazine, and TechCrunch. Ian speaks at conferences around the world, including SearchLove, MozCon, Seattle Interactive Conference and ad:Tech. He has published several books about business and marketing: One Trick Ponies Get Shot, available on Kindle, The Web Marketing All-In-One Desk Reference for Dummies, and Conversation Marketing. Ian is now an independent consultant and continues to work with the Portent team- training the agency group on all things digital. You can find him at www.ianlurie.com

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  1. Hilarious! Thank you for brightening my evening 🙂
    Next step, gotta’ go send that invoice for $10,000. I’ll be right back 😉

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