10 Greatest Comment Spam Subjects of All Time

Ian Lurie

Timewaster alert! There is nothing of practical use in this post. It’s funny though.

I was poring through my comment list today, feeling a bit punchy, so I made a list of spam subject lines. I’ve left out the inevitable grossness, drug advertisements, etc.. So, here are the 10 that made me choke on my lunch:

  1. Jewish Beef Brisket. Wow. How’d they know I was Jewish? I was worried for a while, then discovered that every other blogger I know was deluged with the same thing. Relieved that my role in the Great Zionist Conspiracy is safely concealed, I moved on…
  2. The Bull is Back. I got that one today, as my stock portfolio clogged the financial toilet bowl.
  3. You are in Denial. Well yeah, of course I am. But not about the stuff this message referred to. I’ll leave it at that.
  4. You Are Great!!!!!!!!!!!!! I counted to make sure I got the number of exclamation points right.
  5. You are unprepared. Probably from the same person who told me I’m in denial, yet great.
  6. You’re In My Soul. Yikes. Not sure what to make of that.
  8. Buy our cheeseburgers. Seriously? You’re trying to sell cheeseburgers in comment spam on my internet marketing blog?
  9. Pigs do barrel rolls. OK, that’s cool. I want to see that. Seriously.
  10. Tsgiliat garsngrb. Phlmandai! I can only say Rthaosiaufdawne! and hope they heard me.

Back to useful stuff.

Ian Lurie

Ian Lurie is the founder of Portent. He's been a digital marketer since the days of AOL and Compuserve (25 years, if you're counting). Ian's recorded training for Lynda.com, writes regularly for the Portent Blog and has been published on AllThingsD, Smashing Magazine, and TechCrunch. Ian speaks at conferences around the world, including SearchLove, MozCon, Seattle Interactive Conference and ad:Tech. He has published several books about business and marketing: One Trick Ponies Get Shot, available on Kindle, The Web Marketing All-In-One Desk Reference for Dummies, and Conversation Marketing. Ian is now an independent consultant and continues to work with the Portent team- training the agency group on all things digital. You can find him at www.ianlurie.com

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  1. Crazy subjects are one thing, but some spam is getting down right sinister! For example, I have been receiving spam that say things like “Please don’t be late for the meeting again” and “Overdue Reports.” It makes my heart pound every time, and I cant believe a robot would be so mean! Unless of course, you are sending them under the alias Vivian R. Greenewood…

  2. Thank you for this fantastic timewaster. I don’t think I’ve laughed all day. Thank you and btw, is the Jewish Beef Brisket a food or a person — either way, I want the recipe.

  3. I have fond memories of my mom making brisket for Hanukkah and Rosh Hashanna dinners. Particularly because she just made it in November.
    Hopefully they meant the dish, and I didn’t just insult a previously-unknown Mr. or Mrs. Brisket.

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