14 Ways Internet Marketing Is Like Four Square

Portent Staff Apr 11 2008

  1. It Isn’t

Not really. I mean sure, I could come up with some long winded post using the ball as a metaphor for links and making some contrived puns about bouncing. But it isn’t really anything at all like internet marketing. But that won’t keep me from going on and on about it on this blog.

The Rundown:

Last week some of the members of the Portent team came to the realization that none of us had played Four Square (heretofore known as 4sq) since grade school. This was clearly unacceptable, and had to be remedied immediately. Starting small, they formed a coalition which quickly grew to a force to be reckoned with. So the stage was set for a true clash of titans.


The place:

Behind a nearby office park.

The time:

Friday Afternoon

The Challengers:

They were truly a fearsome lot, every one of them fell and dangerous to the core.

  • Tracy “Normandy” Beach – Dominating with his crowd-pleasing “Van Halens”
  • Andy “The Net” Schaffer – Master of the “Blackjack,” as well as the always controversial “Baby Drops”
  • Michael “Hustle” Weigand – Deadly with a well placed “Sissy Spacek”
  • Sarah “Tsunami” MacKay – Disorients foes with her fearsome battlecry.
  • Mike “Russian Roulette” Fitterer – King of the dreaded “Slammie”
  • “Shoeless” Stacy Conner – Keeping the rally alive with the unconventional “Double Bouncies”
  • Miles “The Enforcer” Grover – Chaos on the court with the unpredictable “Bumbled Bobble”
  • Dan “The Rookie” Scott – Keeping opponents on their toes with precision line drives
  • And last, but certainly least, me: Mack “Stealth Bomber” Rieder-Johnson – Creator and champion of the treacherous “Fugitive”

Officiating the contest was Line Judge and 4sq veteran Chris “The Missile” Bachmann

The Result:

It was a Herculean struggle, to be sure, and though many tried only one was victorious. I say, with no small amount of modesty, that I emerged the victor with my last minute elimination of Miles. Though truly when such titans of sport clash, we are all winners.
(But really, I won.)