Breaking news: Ian Lurie filing suit for use of 'ian'

Ian Lurie

March 12, 2010, Seattle, WA – Ian Lurie, CEO of Portent Interactive B-list SEO geek, has catapulted himself into the limelight by suing every business using words that contain ‘ian’.

The lawyer-turned-marketer wants all businesses using words containing ‘ian’ to request permission, first. According to documents leaked to the media, Ian’s lawsuit claims he’s had his reputation unfairly smeared by publications such as Wikipedia:

canadian suit

Law scholar Febrile Ezureis stated this suit could have far-reaching implications. “Never mind the Lindsay Lohan suit against E-Trade. This could mean marketing copywriters everywhere will have to buy a thesaurus. Imagine if you can’t use the word ‘allegiant’ in any of your marking copy? Ian could be about to change the English language, forever. The implications are brilliant. Oh, dammit, now he’s going to sue me.” Febrile went on, “And zoos! Don’t get me started. ‘Avian’. ‘Amphibian’.”

Comedian Eddie Murphy is also concerned. “That @#$)(*@#$ son of a @#)(*@#$ better not go through with it. I’m not renaming my self a ‘funny man’. I’ll kick his @#)($* @#[email protected]#$.”

Indeed, this could be the beginning of a utopian period for attorneys, who can look forward to suing anyone who uses any name in a word.

Ian justifies his stance. “Every time someone uses the word ‘vaudevillian’, they connect me with stuff that’s ridiculous and silly. I’m sick of it. Plus, this is a great income stream.”

He then handed us a summons to appear in court for several uses of ‘ian’ in this article.

I’d like to thank Lindsay Lohan and her moronic attorneys for inspiring this idea. And a shoutout to Todd Mintz.

Ian Lurie
CEO & Founder

Ian Lurie is CEO and founder of Portent and the EVP of Marketing Services at Clearlink. He's been a digital marketer since the days of AOL and Compuserve (25 years, if you're counting). He's recorded training for, writes regularly for the Portent Blog and has been published on AllThingsD, Smashing Magazine, and TechCrunch. Ian speaks at conferences around the world, including SearchLove, MozCon, Seattle Interactive Conference and ad:Tech. He has published several books about business and marketing: One Trick Ponies Get Shot, available on Kindle, The Web Marketing All-In-One Desk Reference for Dummies, and Conversation Marketing. Follow him on Twitter at portentint, and on LinkedIn at

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  1. Well I think there would be good arguments against this in court, since most people pronounce Ian’s name wrong to begin with. “Eye-in” or “Eye-an” if, I’m not mistaken. Like, how many people are known as “Canad-eye-ans” right?
    I don’t think he’s got a case.

  2. I think you are being ridiculous! You sound like a money hungry mongrel. Are you sure you aren’t a policIAN? If you do this, then anyone can sue, including me. Not only that, but I’m sure that the words CanadIAN, comedIAN, IndIAN, and billions of other words were here and in existence LONG BEFORE YOU WERE, so in actually the originator of those words could sue you. Let’s get real, and blog about something worth reading. I just had to put my nickels worth in. It’s bad enough with the ambulance chasing lawyers, and other frivilous lawsuits. Come to think of it yours puts all other frivilous lawsuits to shame. That’s what raises the cost for everyone who is legitimately suing!

  3. Hilarious! Thanks for the giggle on a rainy Friday afternoon. I agree Lindsay Lohan’s being a complete idiot. She’s not even in the same league as the E*Trade Babies! 🙂

  4. Can someone sue Patti for using the word “Gullible” as a middle name? April 1st must be a rough day for you Patti.

  5. Patty, you remind me just a bit of the friend who once said to me, “Thanks for telling me that Pride and Prejudice is supposed to be funny. I never would have known otherwise.” (She was NOT being sarcastic. Honest!) [Note: talkin’ ’bout the novel here. Not the total-travesty Keira Knightley flick, which I cannot watch all the way through without barfing. That really isn’t funny…it’s tragic!]
    Anyway…what can I say but: SIGH!! 😉

  6. Note how Patti is the owner of PJ’s Prayer line.
    Well Patti, if you were serious in your comment, all I can say is…
    I’ll pray for you.

  7. Wow..potential Armageddon!
    I can’t wait to see emerges victorious in court — you or * Ian Anderson * Sir Ian McKellen * Ian Rankin * Ian Ziering * descendants of Ian Fleming * (etc.)
    Love it!

  8. Ian, very nice trick! I was reading through my rss feed this morning and saw my favorite marketing blogger was taking action. Lol. Nice bit of humor this morning!

  9. hahahah Great trick Ian! I must admit that I was thinking the same as PATTI in the beginning. The post immediately caught my attention while going through my rss feeds.
    Have a nice day!

  10. I’d sue Patti for the kitschy, tacky religious art at her website…except that we Kat-o-Licks have even kitschier, tackier religious art (e.g., Sacred Heart pix that make Jesus look like a rosy-cheeked bearded girl with a mild case of dyspepsia).

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