Internet marketing insanity, and it's only Tuesday

Ian Lurie
Can the last sane person on earth please turn out the lights?

Oh. God.

It’s been one of those weeks that shakes my faith in marketing.

And it’s Tuesday.

So, second day of the week, and second ranty post.

First off, if Google is so damned smart, how is this butthead exploiting negative feedback for fun and profit? This is a guy who’s calling people ‘bitch’, threatening them, getting panned by dozens of furious customers and then using that to pillage the rankings. I’ve decided to call every person I’ve ever pissed off and have them write negative reviews about me. I’ll start with pre-school and work my way up. #1 ranking baybeee!!!

Twitter will temporarily shut you down if you break wind from the same IP address more than three times in succession. But they catapult Ashley Kerekes to internet fame when tens of thousands of people follow her by accident, thinking she’s a cricket match.

Google’s SERPs now resemble the subject of a Clients From Hell design story:

google serps - what the hell?!

Did Microsoft secretly take over? Come on. Can anyone out there tell me where I can go to buy a bike? Especially since I’m not IN SYRACUSE NY?!!!

Then I find some fascist dirtbag whose web site tries to tell me I’m part of a vast Zionist conspiracy that secretly runs the world. Luckily, you all responded fantastically to that, restoring my faith and getting me past Tuesday. For which you have my thanks.

Can someone sane please stand up?

Where’s John Stewart when you need him?

Pant pant pant. OK, I’m done.

PS: I wrote this while flying. Anyone who knows my love/hate relationship with travel will know where these posts come from. Tomorrow I’ll be back to more useful, less ranty, stuff.

Nothing related at all

Ian Lurie

Ian Lurie is founder of Portent. He's been a digital marketer since the days of AOL and Compuserve (25 years, if you're counting). Ian's recorded training for, writes regularly for the Portent Blog and has been published on AllThingsD, Smashing Magazine, and TechCrunch. Ian speaks at conferences around the world, including SearchLove, MozCon, Seattle Interactive Conference and ad:Tech. He has published several books about business and marketing: One Trick Ponies Get Shot, available on Kindle, The Web Marketing All-In-One Desk Reference for Dummies, and Conversation Marketing. Ian is now an independent consultant and continues to work with the Portent team- training the agency group on all things digital. You can find him at

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