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Internet Marketing Stream of Consciousness

Yawn stretch OK I’m up. mmmm mini wheats. No guinea pigs I will not give you mini wheats the last time I did that you ran around your cage so fast I couldn’t see you. Drive drive HOONK WATCH OUT YOU LOSER. Hrm what’s our alarm code again? Oh yeah. Phew. Ah crap forgot the SEO review for www.mysite.com and also to review the links pointing at www.theirsite.com. Hmmm, links. Links are fun. Let’s go look at Linkscape and see what’s in there for this client. Gaaaah they lost 20 links wth!? Ring ring. Wait so you’re telling me that your organic sales are up 32% 3 weeks after you fired us and that has nothing to do with the work we did because it happened after you fired us? Okaaaay. Next. Researching some XML magical stuff never did understand XML but it just works. OK click click type type write some code. Refresh the page. KAAABOOOOOOOM. Well, that didn’t work. Back to the drawing board. Undo undo undo. Lunch nom nom nom. Off to rewrite some landing page copy maybe I should redo the design too. Knock knock. No, you don’t need my permission to change ‘teh’ to ‘the’ on the home page honest it’s OK go for it. OK back to work on that lander. “Buy now or you’ll die” probably too strong. “Buy it. Love it. It’ll change your life” oooh much better, plus I never use the product name which is good since the client asked me not to to preserve the mystery. Ring Ring. Yup. No. Yup. OK. Sounds good thanks. Bye. What? No. OK bye. Back to writing OK bullet bullet bullet write write write paragraph image buy now save and DONE woo hoo. Oh crap it’s 3 PM already?! Time to burn another 15 minutes of my life on Twitter. Wow I never knew that some SEOs are afraid of centipedes that’d be a fun Google bomb. Yeah, right, in my spare time. Oh look someone else is claiming they never believed in nofollow. So that leaves, what, 3 people on earth who ever used it? Man, they must’ve been busy. Ring ring. Yes this is Ian. No I don’t want to invest in a oil well in Texas but thanks. Click. Check e-mail No Mr. Greg Jones I don’t want to use your e-mail append service but hey thanks a million. Woo landed a new client OK time to kick that one off and set up that meeting. Gar 30 minutes before I have to head home. What the hell am I going to blog today? I wanted to wrap up my series on search engines as aggregators but I didn’t have time. I know! I’ll do stream of consciousness!

CEO & Founder

Ian Lurie is CEO and founder of Portent and the EVP of Marketing Services at Clearlink. He's been a digital marketer since the days of AOL and Compuserve (25 years, if you're counting). He's recorded training for Lynda.com, writes regularly for the Portent Blog and has been published on AllThingsD, Smashing Magazine, and TechCrunch. Ian speaks at conferences around the world, including SearchLove, MozCon, Seattle Interactive Conference and ad:Tech. He has published several books about business and marketing: One Trick Ponies Get Shot, available on Kindle, The Web Marketing All-In-One Desk Reference for Dummies, and Conversation Marketing. Follow him on Twitter at portentint, and on LinkedIn at LinkedIn.com/in/ianlurie.

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Comments

  1. Thanks for that post… it’s just what I needed! I’ve been feeling a bit frustrated with how difficult it has been to stay focused the last couple of days and I got a warm “I’m not alone!” feeling just reading your stream… it was very familiar.

  2. Ian, you are the MAN!! You are the best kept secret in SEO World. Who else writes work-related blog posts like these? No one!! “Oh look someone else is claiming they never believed in nofollow.” — LOLOL!!
    Why are you not better known? You should have comboxers beating down your door. You should have seminar attendees lining up around the block to attend your seminars and purchase your e-books.
    How can we get the word out there? I’ve got it!! You can go on Britain’s Got Talent and sing “I Dreamed a Dream (in Stream of Subconsciousness).” If that doesn’t bring a tear ton Simon Cowell’s eye, what would?
    But seriously…I really mean it: That was an inspired post. Most of the professional self-help schlock out there is gag-inducing. Your voice is unique, fresh, and VERY VERY funny. Helpful, too, of course, but, at my advanced age, I kind of put a premium on “funny.”
    As someone named Dana (I believe) observed in your comboxes recently, YOU ROCK!
    Diane, your sycophantic acolyte 🙂

  3. @Diane OK who put you up to this? Seriously, I don’t get out much. 2 little kids and all.
    Folks missed the fact that yesterday was June 16 – the day Ulysses takes place. Hence the stream of consciousness. But that just shows why I’m unknown – I’m too odd.

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