Topeka, formerly Google, added 100 new ranking factors today increasing the known total to 300. Google, I mean Topeka, has always been secretive about their organic search ranking algorithm, but during various outings to Google’s, uh Topeka’s, Mountain View headquarters we managed to cobble together a short list of new ranking factors by reading the brightly hand-decorated construction paper posters that line campus walls encouraging Googlers – I guess that would be Topekians – to try out and test new beta products and features.
Here’s what we uncovered:
1. Typing Speed: By measuring the length and frequency of your social media posts on web sites like Twitter and Facebook, Google analysts can determine your typing speed. People must learn how to type so typing speed is a strong indicator of educational level. The more education you have the more of an authority you are. And, as everyone knows, the documents with the most authority typically rank highly.
2. Computer Monitor Size: Now we know. Size does matter. Companies with large monitors have more money than smaller businesses and are more likely to purchase AdWords advertising. People with larger screens at home have more disposable income than people with smaller screens. They are more likely to click on ads. Therefore, it stands to reason that if most people who visit your website use a big monitor then your website is going to be more important to Google.
3. Office Placement: Is your office in a desirable location? Can it be seen from the road? By using Google Maps with Street View, Google can tell whether or not you have a beautiful suite of offices or a crappy location. If your office cannot be seen from the street you probably have a crappy back room office and don’t deserve high rankings. On the other hand, if you have to stretch your head and look upward several stories, then you must have expensive offices and are obviously important. You merit high rankings.
4. Usage of Google Wave or Google Buzz: Do you use Google Wave or Google Buzz? Then obviously you will do anything that anyone asks you to. Google has nothing to gain by rewarding you with high rankings.
5. Search Marketing Conference Attendance: There exists a proven correlation, companies that frequently send people to search marketing conferences get higher rankings. At first we thought this happened because of the learning environment and the opportunity to learn cutting-edge strategies from search marketing’s foremost experts. However, after careful observation we were surprised to discover that the people who pestered Matt Cutts the most receive the highest rankings boost immediately after SMX West. Obviously Google is appeasing these persistent peeps in the hope that they will stop stalking Matt and let him get some real work done.