The Amazing Pets of Portent
Portent Staff Sep 20 2013
While we do love SEO, PPC, social, content, and Internet marketing in general, we’re more than that – we’re also people, people who love our pets. (I mean, we love them so much we built an entire Facebook app called the Kitten Moodinator.)
So for this fun, furry, Friday post I present The Pets of Portent:
Zookeeper & Account Strategist Ariana Burgess @aplejax. Kasey only wants attention when she wants it. If you try to pet her otherwise, she will run away. And you have to pet her rough, like smacking her hind legs rough. Otherwise she isn’t satisfied. She’s never been much for play but she has stolen a slice of pizza off the coffee table and takes random swipes at the dogs just because she can.
Pandora is queen of the castle. Even though she is the youngest furry child, she is the ruler of all. She lets her big brother think he is the alpha but truly she is. She only plays with Phoenix’s tail, no toys ever have made the cut. She LOVES oranges and noodles and anything that crunches (including things that shouldn’t be ingested). She pretends she hates everyone but Mommy and Daddy but once we are our of sight she would go with pretty much anyone.
Phoenix enjoys chasing and sometimes retrieving yellow fuzzy balls, long walks anywhere (except where he doesn’t want to go – which changes depending on the day), licking babies hands, head and feet and to beg for food even though he knows he won’t get any. He also loves snuggles and noodles. His favorite meal is whatever the humans are eating and he lets his younger sister chase him around.
Cat Herder Account Strategist Chris Hugo @chugonator. While sistas from other mistas, Tango and Indigo are nearly inseparable. Tango is a wise soul who enjoys catnaps and being included in everything while Indigo spends most her day stalking shadows, reflections, and ankles. You can usually find these two snuggled together until Indigo decides it’s time to play again.
Wildlife preserve presented by CEO Ian Lurie @portentint. Feline siblings that look nothing alike, Isis and Romulus have terrorized each other and Ian’s houseplants for 3 years now. They valiantly defend the house against intruders by growling and fleeing from the room whenever someone knocks on the front door. They are also known to kill flies, if the flies don’t fight back too much.
Our small teddy bear hamster is approaching Methuselah-like age. He’s an unrivaled escape artist, having once pried the bars of his cage apart and slipped out, evading cats, only to end up in the guinea pig cage. Not too bright, apparently.
Our large (gigantic) black guinea pig is now about 251 in guinea pig years. He loves to get on the floor and chase the cats (seriously). This guinea pig prefers carrot tops, arugula, and oranges to silly things like timothy hay. She likes her water cold, her cats compliant, and her cage clean.
Five pounds of steely-eyed canine fury, Alfred is so cute and cuddly he’s utterly incapable of scaring anything. He also doesn’t seem to want to. He does, however, terrify the cats, both of which outweigh him 3:1. At 16 weeks old, Alfred has serious incontinence issues. He also doesn’t like bees.
Catopia sponsored by Director of SEO Josh Patrice @syzlak. Heartthrobs both, Waylon & Willie pack a double punch of precocious love at the Patrice household. Waylon is the epitome of graceful, bounding from couch to condo with the ease of Baryshnikov. Always demanding attention, Waylon is either in your lap or at your feet all day long. He loves to lick fingers or toes and he “ain’t givin’ in or givin’ up without a try.” Willie, on the other hand, is bat-sh#t crazy. When the “evenin’ sun goes down, you will find Willie hangin’ ’round”… and running, and climbing, and jumping… It’s always an adventure when Willie gets the wild-eyes.
Hot dog vendor – Account Strategist Kimberly Williams. Frank has the soul of a poet and philosopher, which makes him a ladies magnet. When he’s not sniffing out injustices and righting wrongs (mostly having to do with him not getting enough treats), you can find him sleeping in, snuggling, and giving love to anyone and everyone. One note of caution, like his honey badger cousin – it’s dangerous to cross him. He’s likely to revenge pee, because Frankie don’t give a …..Well, you know.
The Golden Girls by Senior SEO Strategist Marianne Sweeny @msweeny. Shady came to her through Old Dog Haven, a rescue organization that specializes in finding homes for dogs 7+ years old. She likes to think that two old dogs found each other. She’s quiet and smart. Marianne nicknamed her the Baronness Münchausen as she ate $4400 worth of vet bills in the first 6 months eating dark chocolate and, on another occasion, all of her NSAID medication at once.
Professional Ball Retriever Account Strategist Lisa Sali @lisaesali. Abby is a high energy multi-tasker who greets everyone as though they are her new best friend (a la “Up”: “I just met you but I love you already”). When we go for walks, she literally makes people walking past break out in a smile. She is so HAPPY. She is also smart – a bit of a cat-dog. Indoors she keeps busy playing with no less than 2 toys at a time, and invents games to keep her mind entertained – like putting a ball under furniture so she can play the game of trying to retrieve it. But that’s also a ploy to get me to play with her, and retrieve out of reach balls.
Kitten Moodinator Creator Katie Fetting @katielfetting. Izzy is a cute cuddler who believes 1.) the world is her litter box and 2.) Katie is her personal scoop. She also enjoys cleaning herself and half-heartedly fighting brother Ollie. Ollie is a terrorist. His current threat level is orange (sleeping). That is also his color. He regularly battles blinds, hampers and rogue glasses of water. Feel free to read more about Oliver and how he inspired Portent’s own Kitten Moodinator. Hannie is a stud. Full-stop.
Meow Mix Purveyor Account Strategist Mike Fitterer @MFitterer. As a former provider of free fortune readings, Miss Cleo’s lifestyle has simplified in recent years. These days she enjoys running back and forth for no apparent reason, indulging in foot odor from stray shoes, and hopping into the laps of unsuspecting couch sitters. Her show of strength when a random cat or bird crosses her path may appear fearsome, but the reality is she’s a big softy who craves pets and attention.
Dog Shaming Content Strategist Rebecca Bridge @rebeccabridge. Space and Charlie are perfect complements of one another. She thinks Space summed it up nicely on his blog, www.OneDogoneBlog.com, when he described his living situation with Charlie thusly: “When we’re home alone together without any humans, I swear I can hear his heart breaking in his chest over and again from lack of attention. Of course, this only makes me want to ignore him more fully.” Space doesn’t need nothing from nobody never (except food, he hasn’t figured out how grocery stores work yet), while Charlie can’t get enough of anything (including food) ever, now let him up on your lap! Charlie’s never had any gainful form of employment, but Space did used to be the mascot for a rather large SEO software company. He was fired for “not displaying the TAGFEE spirit.”
Who Owns Who? Director of Social Sara Lingafelter @saralingafelter. Gibson’s a nine-month-old Formosan Mountain Dog mix, who was rescued as a tiny, malnourished little thing from the streets of the third largest city in Taiwan. We were looking for a Boston Terrier, but when they saw the photo of her – all legs and Formosan eye roll – being held by her foster mom after getting off the plane at SeaTac, it was all over. She was theirs. Gibson loves long walks on the beach (literally – the ocean is her favorite place), camping trips to all the truly wild places to visit, chasing squirrels, and playing with her favorite t-shirt in the backyard (Look! It’s a cape! Now, it’s a chew toy! Now it’s a flag!). Gibson’s working on her Canine Good Citizen certification, and her favorite tricks are “roll over” and “crawl.”
Door Opening Extraordinaire Senior Content Strategist Isla McKetta @islaisreading. Rocky is 100% pure Attention Hound. He knows how to be sweet with the little dogs and play rough with anyone his own size. Found at PAWS but hailing from the rough parts of Tacoma, Rocky enjoys wrestling, biting waves, and being read to. His favorite thing is to go out the back door. No, in. Make that out again. Or in…
Dog referee Senior Director of Search Marketing Elizabeth Marsten @ebkendo. Lumi is a black and white Setter, St. Bernard, Border Collie who-knows-what mix that enjoys chasing flashes of light, shadows, and birds. She also enjoys waiting until 1 a.m. before making her stealth move of jumping onto the end of the bed and curling up into a ball, covertly stretching out more and more until you resemble a ball. Her WWE Smackdown partner is Kismet, a Sharpei German Shepard mystery mix and the reason to rescue. Found on the side of I-5 in Southern CA with a broken hip, severe mange, tapeworm, deep scars and starving, this now fuzzy dude is the little engine that could and melts hearts along the way. He also boasts the deepest bark ever to come out from a 40lb dog, usually right before devouring his food in 30seconds or less. (His Facebook story is here with the Animal Aid and Rescue Foundation.) Go Dawgs!
And because it’s Friday I present one last animal:
A freakish squirrel who used to flex outside of Ian’s office in Tukwila.
Partial writing credit goes to Brian Furey, our PPC intern. Thanks Brian for getting it all organized!