Weirdest Keyword Searches of 2009

Ian Lurie

Look at the referring keyword list in your analytics report can teach you a lot. I’ll be doing a video tutorial on that in a few minutes, hopefully.
In the mean time, here are some of the strangest, most bizarre key phrases generating traffic to my blog:

  • “Buy a wife”. Actually explained by this post, which ranks in the top 20 on Google. I will not sell wife-market ads on this page, sorry.
  • “Snidely Whiplash”. This one’s generated by the image search result and top-10 ranking for ‘snidely whiplash’ for this article.
  • “I hate customers”. No I don’t! You pay me money!
  • “Lemming”. I have no words.
  • “Parthenon cake”. I’m not surprised by this one as I did a post about it. But who the hell searches for ‘parthenon cake’?!
  • “Biggest goldfish”. Bwah?
  • “Uvula”. No idea.
  • “Poop blog”. I have to accept blame for this one.
  • “Dumb dumb stupid head”. OK dokey.
  • “How many people jumped off the brooklyn bridge”. ???
  • “Roxicet 30mg”. Sorry, if I had any I’d take it.
  • “Start a sexy conversation on the internet”. No. I have no content about this. No finger pointing please.

So there you go. Amazing what folks search for out there…

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Ian Lurie
CEO & Founder

Ian Lurie is CEO and founder of Portent and the EVP of Marketing Services at Clearlink. He's been a digital marketer since the days of AOL and Compuserve (25 years, if you're counting). He's recorded training for, writes regularly for the Portent Blog and has been published on AllThingsD, Smashing Magazine, and TechCrunch. Ian speaks at conferences around the world, including SearchLove, MozCon, Seattle Interactive Conference and ad:Tech. He has published several books about business and marketing: One Trick Ponies Get Shot, available on Kindle, The Web Marketing All-In-One Desk Reference for Dummies, and Conversation Marketing. Follow him on Twitter at portentint, and on LinkedIn at

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